Kat in the Box

POSTED: AUGUST 25, 2009 12:45PM On Sunday night (August 23), Sherwin and I watched the documentary "The Last Journey of Ninoy". It was a history lesson for me once more. I've learned about Ninoy's heroism during my elementary and college years, and I guess, just like eveybody else at that age, it didn't make quite an impact. Now that I'm a member of the workforce, and a mother who wants the best for her child's future, Ninoy's sacrifices became relevant. Ninoy's life has been all about public service. From being a journalist at the age of 17, to becoming the youngest mayor at the age of 22, his heart has always been the welfare of his countrymen. For him, "bayan" comes first before himself and even his family. He was imprisoned for seven years at the Fort and later, in Laur, Neuva Ecija. 7 long years; that's a long time to be away from his wife and 5 kids. A lot of politicians advised him, and even Cory to just pick up the phone and call Marcos. Tell him that he is surrendering the fight, but he remained true to his advocacy. I can just imagine the torture, mental torture that is, that he suffered when he was transferred to Laur without his family knowing where he is. In a small room with nothing but a bed, one can just imagine the loneliness it will bring. He can't even see the stars and the sun. I was moved to tears when President Cory narrated how her husband looked when they first saw him at Laur. He was so thin that his pants are falling off, and for the first time, she saw him sobbing. He looked defeated. He must've been relieved and yet sad to see his family again but under a very pathetic situation. I can't just imagine being in the situation. When Ninoy had to undergo a heart bypass and was allowed by the Marcoses to fly to the US, normalcy returned to the Aquinos, although temporary. It must've been a good 3 years being with his family again, enjoying their company, love and togetherness. One would probably would just want to stay that way. But Ninoy is Ninoy. His love for our country prevailed. He seemed aware that death is what is expecting him if he returns to the Philippines. In an interview a day or two before he was assasinated, he was even telling the press that the bulletproof vest can only protect his body but not his head. If the assasin shoots him in the head, it will be all over. He knew. He will be leaving behind his family, he knew of that. But if that is the only way for our country to be free, then it will be worth it. He died. Assasinated. And the events that transpired after that is history. Ninoy dedicated and even gave up his life for our country. Just reading this statement is easy. But can we all think of what that dedication entailed for him and his family? It meant giving up precious moments watching his children grow. It meant giving up opportunities that will ensure a bright and comfortable life for his children. It meant suffering alone in isolation, in harrassment, in torture (mental and emotional). He can opt not to do it, but he did. Without hesitation, without anything in return. Now , we are enjoying the freedom. But at the same time we are taking it for granted. As Filipinos, I pray that we all do our share in keeping it. I pray that each of us will have eyes and hearts like Ninoy. I pray that one day, Heinel will be able to read this blog and appreciate the gift of freedom that he is enjoying. If each of us will do our share and carry it out to the next generation, then we woulnd't have to worry what future awaits our children and their children. Thank you Ninoy..

POSTED: AUGUST 13, 2009 12:35PM My apologies to the Aquino family. I know it says here that the letter is personal but I just feel the need to post this because I feel like thru this letters my children, in the future, will understand what your family has give up for our country. August 26, 1973 FortBonifacio 11:10 a.m. Miss Aurora Corazon C. Aquino PERSONAL My dearest Double Mommie: I have just heard Mass with Senator Jose W. Diokno and I received my communion in preparation for tomorrow’s big show. Last night I wrote Noy-noy and explained to him the crucial and vital decision I made yesterday after a lengthy conference with my lawyers. During the Mass, while Pepe was reading the prayer of the faithful, the last paragraph struck me: “For all our fellow men, who suffer: may they know that if a grain of wheat dies, it yields a rich harvest.’ Let us pray to the Lord.” As soon as I got back to my room, I looked up the complete quotation from your Bible, which Mommie sent me sometime ago and in the gospel according to John, I found the following: “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” What does this mean? Is it an invitation to suicide? I think it simply means that there is much more than earthly comfort, joy and carnal pleasure in this world. The message of Jesus, as I understand it, is that we must be ready to sacrifice for our fellow men at all time, and if need be, even offer our lives for them. Unless we are willing to suffer with, and share our love with our neighbors, then we are like the grain that does not fall into the ground… and will always remain only a grain of wheat. But if we pick up our cross, and in the spirit of self-sacrifice and self-abnegation suffer for our neighbors, then like the grain that falls into the earth and dies, we will grow and bear much fruit. In a way this is the rationale behind my decision. I have no doubt I will be convicted to a long prison term. I am prepared to spend the rest of my natural life behind bars because I will not defend myself and will accept the “tyrant’s revenge.” This is my act of protest against the deprivation of our people of their freedom and liberties and this is my act of defiance against dictatorship. I have deliberately chosen a life of loneliness, separated from you my loved ones and turned my back on the gaiety and comfort of life in this world in the hope that by so doing, I might awaken some latent forces that will cause a chain reaction and that will eventually lead to an explosion of human atoms wanting to be free. I have watched and observed you very carefully and all these years and of all my children, you are the most sensitive, the most emotional and therefore the most artistically inclined. You have a keen eye for details and you are possessed with a sharp analytical mind and intellect. Unfortunately, you have not used your talents to the maximum and have been content to coast along, a trait I hope you will correct in time. You will recall I have often told you of your responsibility, at least to me, because you carry the name of the two greatest women in my life, your grandmother and your mother. Hence, you are my double mommie. I have always planned to discuss many things with you and Ate because you are now young ladies but unfortunately we never had the time during those days when I pursued public office. Now that I have all the time for you, we are limited only to two one-hour visits a week. Isn’t this ironical? At any rate, I decided to put down briefly in writing some of the things I really wanted to tell you. 1. Never sell yourself short. You are pretty, talented and gifted. Believe this and make the best of your assets. As in the parable of the talents, one day you will be made to account God on how you used your gifts. Do not be like the man who merely hid his talent and never allowed it to multiply. Be like the one who invested his talent wisely and watched it increase tenfold. 2. Be more tolerant to your brother and sisters. Most especially to the two younger ones. I hope you will take time to be charitable to our baby doll, Krissy. She loves to hear stories, please accommodate her for me. Do not provoke Viel, our little princess, especially now that her protector is in jail. 3. You are sometimes rather high-strung and spirited. Properly restrained, these tendencies can well be the source of your inner drive and motivations. But there are times when your spirit turns to unreasonable rebelliousness and intransigence, especially with your superiors. Learn to give and take because life is a continuous compromise. We cannot always have our own way all the time. And the world is made up of all kinds of people. Some are wonderful and sweet, others are simply downright boring and sour. Learn to live with all kinds of people as God sends His rain to all men, to both the just and the unjust. 4. Listen to Mommie’s advice. She has your welfare at heart. She brought you in the world in agony and pain, risking her very life. Spent the better part of her youthful years trying to bring you up healthy and strong. She sacrificed her own comfort and curbed many of her desires to give you the best. The least you can do for her now is to love her with all your heart and mind. Search the whole world, you will never find a more sincere friend than your mother. 5. Learn not only to like but love Noy-noy. When I wan your age, I continuously fought with my sisters. I had daily battles with your Auntie Maur. Yet look at her today. Now that I am helpless, your Auntie Maur is showing such concern and love which I will never repay. It will be the same with you and Noy. I have not doubt Noy will be your “refuge and staff” in the not too distant future. 6. Please do this great favor for me. I want you to serve Lolo Pepe and Lola Ma in their declining years. They have lavished paternal love and understanding on your mommie and I through all these years. They went our of their way to get us started in life starting with the purchase of Magao through all my political battles. I had hopes of serving them in the twilight of their years, but this privilege is now denied me. I hope you will make up for your daddy’s inability to repay them for their many kindnesses. Love and serve them well! 7. I do not know what career you will eventually pursue. I wish you would finish your college education before thinking of marriage because the world is getting more and more partial to college graduates. The present trend is for both spouses to work and earn to meet the rising cost of living. If you have a career of your own, you will not only be an asset to your family but can always fall back on vital reserves in case of any unforeseen tragedy or reverses. One of my greatest regrets is not to be able to bequeath you with a modest inheritance to get you fully started in life. I squandered your legacies in the numerous political battles I was engaged in. And it is too late now for tears and lament! Finally, please pray for your daddy, who loves you very much and whose sufferings will be greatly eased if your will grown up into a real fine lady whom everybody will be proud of. Your success will be the most soothing balm for my tortured heart. I thought of writing you this letter on the eve of my trial to fill the vacuum of my loneliness. Alone with no one to talk to on a fine Sunday morning, I retreated into my little corner of make-believe and imagined that you sat in front of my table discussing with me some vagrant thoughts. Never ever forget you are my double mommie and therefore my love for you is doubled. Lovingly, Dad

POSTED: AUGUST 12, 2009 12:34PM I received a forwarded message and it touched my heart.. I would like to forever have a copy of that letter.. It's a letter by Senator Ninoy Aquino to his elderst daughter on her 18th birthday. It touched my heart because it is thru this letter that I trully realized how much he sacrificed for our country.. even to the point of not being able to be with his family... August 18, 1973 FortBonifacio Makati, Rizal Ms. Maria Elena C. Aquino 25 Times St. Quezon City My dearest Ballsy, I write you this letter with tears in my eyes and as if steel fingers are crushing my heart because I wanted so much to be with you as you celebrate your legal emancipation. Now that you have come of age, my love, a voice tells me that I am no longer young and suddenly, I feel old. An old poet gave this advice very long ago “when you are sad, remember the roses will bloom in December.” I want to send you bouquet of roses, big red roses from my dreamland garden. Unfortunately for the present, my roses are not in bloom, in fact they have dropped all their petals and only the thorns are left to keep me company. I do think it is fitting to send you a thicket of thorns on this memorable day! I am very proud of you because you have inherited all the best traits of your mother. You are sensible, responsible, even-tempered and sincere with the least pretenses and affection which vehemently detest in a woman. I am sure like your mother, you will possess that rare brand of silent courage and that combination of fidelity and fortitude that will be the life vest of your man in the tragic moments of his life. During my lonely hours of solitary confinement in FortMagsaysay, Laur, Nueva Ecija last March and April with nothing else to do but pray and daydream, with only my fond memories to keep me company, I planned a weekend barrio fiesta for you in Tarlac for your 18th birthday. I fooled myself into believing that my ordeal would end with the fiscal year. I planned to invite all your classmates and friends and their families for the weekends. The schedule called for an early departure by bus from Manila and the first stop will be Concepcion, where lunch will be served by the pool. And after lunch, you were to visit the SantaRitaElementary School to distribute cookies and ice cream to the children of that public school where you were first enrolled. I guess sheer nostalgia prompted me to include Santa Rita. We were only three then: Mommie, you and I. Those were the days of happy memories little responsibilities, tremendous freedom, a great future ahead and capped by a fulfillment of love. You are the first fruit of our union, the first proof of our love and the first seal of our affections. From Concepcion we were to proceed to Luisita for the barrio fiesta. I intended to invite a friend who could roast an entire cow succulently. Swimming, pelota, dancing and eating would have been the order of the day. Sunday morning was reserved for a trip around the Hacienda and the mill and maybe golf for some of the parents and later a picnic-lunch on Uncle Tony’s Island. Return to Manila after lunch. I am afraid this will have to remain as one of the many dreams I had in Laur. Our future has suddenly become uncertain and our fate unknown. I am even now beginning to doubt whether I’ll ever be able to return to you and the family. Hence, I would like to ask you these special favors. Love your mother, whose love for you, you will never be able to match. She is not the greatest mother in the world, she is your sincerest friend. Take care of your younger sisters and brother and lavish them with the love and care I would like to continue giving them but am unable to do so. Help Noy-noy along and pray hard that he will grow to be a real, responsible man who in later years will protect you all. You are the model for your three younger sisters. Your responsibility is therefore great. Please endeavor to live up to our highest expectations. Be more tolerant to Pinky, more accessible to Viel, our little genius-princess, and more charitable to Krissy, our baby doll, and make up for my neglect. Finally, forgive me, my love, for not having been an ideal, good and thoughtful father to you all as I pursued public office. I had hopes and high resolve of making up, but I am afraid my destiny will not oblige. I seal this letter with a drop of tear and a prayer in my heart, that somehow, somewhere we shall meet again and I will finally be able to make up for all my lapses, in the kingdom where justice reigns supreme and love is eternal. I love you, Dad